Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day…But It Was Conquered In Two (Day 1)

To view my Photo Stream from the entire trip click here!

The weeks leading up to this trip have been a little ridiculous to say the least. I’ve been traveling and organizing events for work like a crazy person. I’ve been exhausted. So when the night before the trip finally arrived, I was strangely not as excited as I wanted to be. I think I was just coming down from all of the craziness. Don’t get me wrong. This is my first time out of the country since birth (crazy, right!?) so I was definitely excited. I went to bed around 2:30-3am and got up at 7:30am because I wanted to be tired enough to go to sleep on the first leg of our flight (10hrs from JFK to Istanbul) My amazing girlfriend, Kim, got up super early on that Saturday morning to bring James and I bagels from Brooklyn Bagel in Astoria. I was pretty impressed and very grateful for her to say the least. We did some last minute packing and walked out the door around 9:20am. We took the metro to the airport because we didn’t feel like splitting a $52 cab fair. It only took us about an hour to get to the airport anyway.

We got our boarding passes at the Turkish Airlines booth and then realized we had about an hour to kill before we even needed to be close to our gate. So we walked up stairs and spotted a SBarro!

No, we didn’t eat there but we did find it amusing that it claimed to have fresh Italian pizza seeing as we were headed to Italy. Security wasn’t nearly as bad as I would have imagined. It took us maybe 10 minutes to get through the line and it was no different than domestic travel. Once we found our gate, we went to the bar that was conveniently 30 yards away from it and got something to relax us for the flight. James talked to his girlfriend, Emily; and Kim and I texted for a bit and then it was time to board the plane. We even got a swag bag! The ride wasn’t too bad. Watched a couple movies, ate dinner and breakfast, and slept a little.

Upon arriving in Istanbul, we had a couple hours to kill so we wandered the massive duty free stores. James bought a couple things. I was hoping to find a Starbucks that sold the city mugs that I have begun collecting but alas the one we found didn’t have them. We had to take a bus to our plane which was a little smaller (about the size of a 737). It only took about 2.5 hours to fly from Istanbul to Rome.

We didn’t check any luggage so we went straight for the train station. Little did we know, that would prove to be more expensive than we thought so we decided to find a bus from the airport. We got a round trip bus ticket (for the trip back to the airport at end of our trip) for €8 as opposed to a €14 one way. Finding the bus station was quite an elaborate but boring journey. The bus ride was only about half an hour and from there we easily found the Metro and made our way to our bed and breakfast. Before we left Termini, we stopped by a TIM (a big mobile phone provider in Europe) store and picked up a SIM card and a pay as you go plan for an iPhone. The owner, Roberta, was a really nice woman who let us in and gave us some advice on where to go after we got settled in. We went to a really large church first in the area and walked around exploring how beautiful it was. Then we hit up the coliseum. Yes, the Roman Coliseum! It was massive to say the least. A really amazing site. We paid €12 for a two day pass that include entrance into the Roman Forum as well as another site that I can’t recall.

We had walked so much that we decided to go back to our home after and rest for a while before dinner. We made a reservation at Gusto, a really good Italian restaurant near the river. After dinner, we roamed the dark streets. It’s another world at night. Everything has a yellowish hue to it because of the lighting. It’s pretty cool. One of James’s friends had told us about a McDonalds near the Spanish Steps so we decided to check it out. It was HUGE. Like no McDonalds i had ever seen before. It was super nice. A couple times i forgot i was actually even in one. We didnt eat there but we got some coffee. I decided to FaceTime Kim since we had wifi. We talked for a little while and then James and I headed out. We wandered for a few hours, saw the Trevi Fountain, and then walked home. We probably walked a good 5-8 miles that day. We were definitely exhausted when we got home. I will say the Trevi and the Coliseum definitely lived up to their hype. When we got home, we ate a snack, uploaded some images to our iPads and then went to bed excited for the next day.

Blogging is exhausting so day 2 may be later tonight or tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t get too behind. I will probably write less next time though. You can ask me for details later.

The Epidemic

If someone were to ask me today what I am most passionate about, I would have no hesitation in telling them. Fatherlessness.

There’s no substitute for a full-time dad. Dad’s who are fully engaged with their kids overwhelmingly tend to produce children who believe in themselves and live full lives.
-Tony Dungy, former Indianapolis Colts head coach

Before I start, I have to put a disclaimer out there and say that this article only pertains to families with living fathers. I am aware that tragedy occurs and sometimes we lose those good fathers and husbands. 

 

This is kind of an intense subject for me so as I sit down to right this, I have to take a couple deep breaths and physically loosen up my body. It’s like the feeling I used to have before walking out onto the court before a game. I knew people would be watching me play and the way I played would tell a lot about who I was. In the same way, this post depicts a subject I want to write about in a way that conveys the urgency it deserves.

• Children in father-absent homes are five times more likely to be poor. In 2002, 7.8% of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 38.4% of children in female-householder families.

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Children’s Living Arrangements and Characteristics: March
2002, P20-547, Table C8. Washington, D.C.: GPO 2003.

• The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states, “Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse.”

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington, DC, 1993.

• Children in single-parent families are two to three times as likely as children in two-parent families to have emotional and behavioral problems.

Source: Stanton, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics.”National Health Interview Survey.” Hyattsville, MD, 1988.

• In studies involving over 25,000 children using nationally representative data sets, children who lived with only one parent had lower grade point averages, lower college aspirations, poor attendance records, and higher drop out rates than students who lived with both parents.

Source: McLanahan, Sara and Gary Sandefur. Growing up with a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1994.

• In a study using a national probability sample of 1,636 young men and women, it was found that older boys and girls from female headed households are more likely to commit criminal acts than their peers who lived with two parents.

Source: Heimer, Karen. “Gender, Interaction, and Delinquency: Testing a Theory of Differential Social Control.” Social Psychology Quarterly 59 (1996): 39-61.

 

Enough stats? I would wager to say that most of societies problems are due to lack of good fathers in the lives of children. I believe that our prisons would be less full, our streets would be safer and our schools wouldn’t have to worry so much about bullying and gun violence. I am not just talking about fathers that aren’t present in the home either. I’m also talking about those fathers who live at home but aren’t involved in their kids lives. They aren’t there to teach their children how to live rightly. They aren’t there to validate their children by saying how much they love them or how proud they are of them. We, as fallen humans, are always looking for validation in someone or something. It could be your job, relationships, or other people. We strive to be seen and be known so we aren’t forgotten or neglected. In the lives of young men, it comes in multiple forms. It could be anything from bullying another kid to joining a gang. Gangs provide a sense of brotherhood. They say, if you join us and do things for us, we will accept you as one of our own. We will protect you as one of our own. As a teenage male looking for validation, what more could he ask for? Thus, he is pulled down a road of crime, drugs and violence. It’s a perpetuating cycle that never ends because as long as there are children without good fathers in the home, there will be children who long for a sense of validation and love. It happens more in lower income homes than upper income, but the principle remains in the upper income families. Children still bully other children because they feel validated in being bigger or stronger than someone else. Children still act out in school because it’s the only way they will get noticed and recognized.

I spent the summer after college working for a traveling kids camp. We would arrive in a city, set up camp and just have fun with hundreds of kids from the community for a week. Then we would pack up and go to the next city. We did this for 10 weeks. There is one week that sticks out in my mind the most. I can’t remember where we were exactly; but on Wednesday of that week, we had gathered all of the kids together to play some games and sing some songs. Out of nowhere I see a kid (probably around 11-12 yrs old) jump out of his chair run across the aisle with his fist in the air ready to punch another kid. Myself and one of my co-counselors saw it as it happened so we sprinted down the aisle and I was able to literally pick the kid up mid-run to keep him from hitting the other kid. I pretty much carried him over my shoulder out of the auditorium followed by my boss who was telling me to call his parents and not to let him come back. I wasn’t really listening to him nor was I going to do that. I wasn’t going to give up on this kid like that. I sat the kid down and calmly asked him what happened in there. You know what he told me? He said that that kid looked at him funny. I was having a hard time  keeping my sarcasm in because that answer seemed so ridiculous to me. Then I realized that he felt like he was being questioned. That his validity in front of his posse (about 5-6 boys that were between the ages of 8-10) was being challenged. So what else could he do but show himself worthy by punching the other kid. This kid and I chatted for a good 15 minutes about how, in life, you can’t go around hitting everyone that looks at him funny or says something to him. We discussed his love of football and that he would need to control that anger if he wanted to succeed. We also discussed the fact that he had 5-6 kids that followed him around and looked up to him because he was a leader. I told him that I was taking a chance on him. I knew he was a good kid inside, but I couldn’t protect him if he did something like that again. My boss would see to it himself that he was sent home. After our conversation, I led him back inside and we sat together at the back of the auditorium. I sang with the kids and did the motions, but in truth, it was all I could do to keep from weeping for this kid. The rest of the week, he was probably the best kid at camp. He went from sitting out of every game because he was too cool to play to being a big part of every one of them at the end of the week. There were a couple of times he would start acting out but all I had to do was look at him and he would straighten up and often smile back at me. I found out later that he and his little brother lived with their grandmother in a rough part of town. I don’t know where his parents were. I don’t know where he is now or how he is doing, but I can only hope and pray that he is succeeding.

Donald Miller wrote a book called, “To Own A Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father.” It literally changed so much of my life and perspective. I had been bitter and angry at my father for not being around most of my life; not in the sense that I never saw or talked to him but in the day-to-day, 24/7 sense. I didn’t have him to validate me. Miller’s father left him completely and he harbored bitterness for a long time until someone, his mentor, reset his focus. This mentor pointed him to Christ, his REAL father. The father that never left him. The father that gave him everything he needed to feel validated. To feel loved.

Our earthly fathers were never supposed to be perfect. They are merely a reflection or ray pointing us to Christ. This concept rocked me so hard. Not only did I realize that I needed to forgive my earthly father because I set expectations for him too high, but I also realized that my relationship with Christ was being driven by my lack of understanding of what a father was. I, even sometimes today, approach God in fear that He will leave me if I screw up. God’s never-ending, unconditional love is something I can never understand; and because of that, I used to disregard it. For a long time, I had a hard time even calling God “Father.” I have sense had a discussion with my father about this and have forgiven him. Doing so has allowed me to be freed from the bitterness and the captivity of always feeling like I had to be better than my father. I was freed from the constant striving to one day have kids and prove that I was a better man and father despite what happened to me.

Yes, God is the only true one who can validate us and love us rightly, but while here on earth, fathers need to grasp the gravity of their responsibility. They hold in their hands the future. The way children grow up will most often determine the way they end up. I’m not saying that every child that is loved at home will grow up to be a successful person, but I am saying they will have a better chance because they will be better equipped in knowing who they are in themselves.

I know a lot of people have strong feelings on this issue, so I would love to hear feedback or comments…even spelling or grammar errors but keep those to a minimum.

The Return…

Just to clarify, the title of this post is referring to Justin Timberlake returning to the music industry not my long-awaited return to the blogging world. That post will come later.

So I moved to NYC…

Yep…I did.

I got here the afternoon of July 16, took an almost $40 taxi ride from LaGuardia airport to my new apartment in the East Village (the cab driver took a really out of the way route), and hit the ground running. We went to IKEA in Brooklyn and spent the better part of 3 hrs looking around and buying stuff. My room is incredibly tiny (a little bigger than a large walk-in closet so I have to get really creative with storage.

(It’s not finished and still really messy cause I still need to get some wall storage but it’s getting there.)

Since Monday, we have been to see Once the musical (phenomenal and so beautiful), gone to a rooftop bar, and saw The Dark Knight Rises at midnight (the audio in the theater was terrible and I was squirming the entire time because of it).

I am still looking for a job. Hopefully something will come up soon.

I Just Love Music

Today has been a wonderful day in music for me.

First, we will start with something that didn’t actually happen today, but I failed to blog about it when it did happen so I am breaking the rules of time and “blog-space.”

The release of the HIGHLY anticipated Of Monsters and Men debut album (in the US…they have been out for a while in their native Iceland).

The album is PHENOMENAL!!! BBC had a first listen on its website and I think I listened to it a good 10 times before it was released.

Next, today 3 things happened in the span of 4 hours! I got 2 “new” albums on iTunes and the Lollapalooza line-up was released!!!!

The first album (yes, I know it’s been out for sometime now but I have to ration my music purchases so I don’t become poor and destitute) is Neon Trees’s “Habits”. I think the first 3 tracks are my favorite.

The second album I purchased is one that I have wanted and have been listening too on Spotify for quite some time now. Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, “Up From Below”.  It, like Of Monsters and Men’s debut, is just a fun album. Very folky.  (Sidenote: I never would have pictured myself posting about any of these artists 10 years ago when I was jamming to 3 Doors Down and Yellowcard…oh how the times have changed…not too much though)

The third and maybe most exciting music news of the day is the Lollapalooza line-up release!! I really want to go this year because one, I have never been to Chicago and it’s one of the last remaining big cities that I have yet to go to, and two, the line-up looks amazing.

August 3-5, 2012…We have a date with music destiny!

Below are the bands I am most excited about:

• Red Hot Chili Peppers
• The Black Keys
• Florence and the Machine
• Justice
• Passion Pit
• Calvin Harris
• Miike Snow
• Franz Ferdinand
• Childish Gambino
• The Temper Trap
• Wale
• The Head and the Heart
• Fun.
• Aloe Blacc
• Milo Greene (FANTASTIC, LA-native band that I saw open for the Civil Wars)

Grand Canyon Pano

(South Rim, Kaibab Trail at sunset)

I went to the Grand Canyon this week with my roommate for the second time, and its still as magnificent as it was the first time. You really can’t describe it in words or even in pictures. They give it no justice. If you have never been, I strongly recommend it.

Fog (i.e. Uncertainty)

One of the scariest things in life is uncertainty. How am I supposed to step forward when I can’t even see where I’m going? How do I know if my next step won’t be to my demise?

It’s a lot like fog. I’m sitting on my roof at 3am and I can’t really see more than a few hundred yards out because of the fog. I find myself thinking if that fog was over my building and I couldn’t see where I was walking. I could end up falling off of the edge of the building. But, does that mean I am supposed to stand still until I can see again? That could be hours. Likewise, am I supposed to stand still when I can’t see in front of me. Is it wise to take steps when you have no idea where they will lead? We can’t live life scared stiff but at the same time we can’t live life making reckless decisions. So where’s the line?

I was talking to a good friend and in a conversation about real life (life after school) he asked me if it gets better…if there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My response was that real life is kinda just like a dimly lit room we all stumble around in hoping to not fall on our faces. Sounds pretty pessimistic right? Maybe it is.

However, through all of that, I have Jesus. I have a savior that no matter what decision I make in this life, He is sovereign. But, does that mean we can make moves in this life and take steps without a clear calling? What is a clear calling? Is it a job? Is it a relationship(s)? What does it mean to practically follow God’s will? If I decide to take a step without a clear concrete confirmation from God, is it ok? Is He going to bless me in that? Should that blessing even be a concern to me because this life isn’t about me? How do I take the next step when I can’t see where it will take me?

Just thoughts…would love to hear feedback.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (cover) – Ben Rector

Went to a NEEDTOBREATHE and Ben Rector show last night at Club Nokia. The show was phenomenal! I had never seen Ben Rector before and I had seen NTB two other times. Neither failed to amaze me with their showmanship and musical talents. The above video is one that was definitely a favorite of the night. Such a great cover of a great Whitney Houston song! Definitely made me wanna dance with somebody. 🙂

Stories To Tell – Dave Barnes

there’s life to be lived. stories to tell.

Great track off of his new album, Stories To Tell. Definitely my favorite.

The Hunger Games

I haven’t been this excited about a movie for a long time. I’m going to the midnight showing! It’s strange also because I don’t think I have ever done the whole read the series then see the movie thing. I saw all of the HP movies but never read any of the books.